17

Seventeen years ago, almost to the minute, you came into our arms and changed our lives for the better. Happy birthday to my not-so-little girl. May all of your wishes come true!

I'm Here. I'm Here.

I had anticipated that re-entry after last weekend's solo silent retreat could be turbulent, but what I've been going through has been altogether different. I'm flying high. Things are clearer. I feel stronger. More decisive. I have been loving the energy of the Equinox and full moon this week. It's made me feel dreamy and introspective, which never bodes well for this blog. It's too difficult to put any of my thoughts and feelings into words when I'm literally up in the air. But I'm here. I'm here. With what seems to be going around. It's all good. Very good. I'm just not ready to come back down yet, but do feel free to come up and coast the air currents with me. The view from here is outstanding.

Home Away from Home

This cabin was my home away from home over the weekend. I was dropped off early Friday evening and picked up before lunch time on Sunday. It's located at a Jesuit Spiritual Center here in town, just 20 minutes from my house. This campus is one of my favorite places in this whole wide world. The Little Miami River runs beside it and there's abundant nature all around it. Words cannot describe the deep peace that's available here and I soaked it up like a sponge. It was literally raining acorns from ancient trees. Squirrels, geese, groundhogs, woodpeckers and deer were all around me ... their medicine strong. In the past I have seen coyote here. Heron and vulture like this area too. I had an amazing deer encounter yesterday morning that took my breath away, but that's another story for another day.

If I hadn't been dropped off and was able to leave on my own accord, I would have done so late Saturday afternoon. I found myself feeling deeply sad. I guess that's what happens when all of the distractions fall away. There's nothing left but to feel what I feel. And so I felt it, the sadness, and guess what? It went away. No big deal. I didn't attach any particular importance or concern to it and it simply ran its course. By Sunday morning, I was back to feeling better and more balanced.

I'll share more about the weekend in the days ahead. I'm rereading my journal entries and trying to process it all. I just wanted to check in with you this morning, say hello, and wish you a wonderful week. Remember, the Autumnal Equinox arrives this Wednesday, September 22 (and the Full Moon arrives on Thursday, September 23). How are you welcoming autumn in your life?

For Priscilla

Priscilla asked me to make two Reiki prayer shawls for her to give as gifts. I have finished the first. She asked for a sneak peek. I thought you might like a sneak peek, too. She has opted for no fringe. It will still be plenty warm, cozy and comforting. You can consign one for your yourself or someone you love via my Etsy shop.

Show-and-Tell Saturday - Part II (SOLD)

While you read this, I am off retreating for the weekend. If either of these new I-AMulets catch your eye, please call dibs in the comments and I will get back with you late Sunday or on Monday.

Part 2 of Show-and-Tell Saturday presents I-AMulet #10-0915, Green Thulite with Amazonite pebbles and Quartz Crystal beads lovingly wrapped in Argentium and regular sterling silver wire. It is approximately 2.25" long from the top of the bail to its base and approximately 1.00" at its widest point.

It's affirmations, which correspond with the metaphysical aspects, are as follows:

I AM balanced in my giving and receiving.
I AM recognizing my Divine nature.
I AM soothed and harmony is increasing in my life.

This I-AMulet will be tucked in a wee zip-top bag and nestled in a 3x2" white jewel box. It will include an 18" black satin cord necklace so that it is ready to wear, but the bail is sized such that any chain will fit. I will also send along the affirmations as well.

For the next week, this I-AMulet is available for $48 with free shipping via first class mail. If this pendant speaks to you, please comment below or contact me directly as soon as possible.

If no one adopts this beauty by Saturday, September 25, it will be made available for $53 plus shipping in my Etsy shop.

Show-and-Tell Saturday - Part I (SOLD)

While you read this, I am off retreating for the weekend. If either of these new I-AMulets catch your eye, please call dibs in the comments and I will get back with you late Sunday or on Monday.

Part 1 of Show-and-Tell Saturday presents I-AMulet #10-0913, Tibetan Quartz lovingly wrapped in Argentium sterling silver wire. It is a little less than 1.5" long from the top of the bail to its base and approximately .75" at its widest point.

It's affirmations, which correspond with the metaphysical aspects, are as follows:

I AM feeling completely centered.
I AM finding it easier to abstain from that which no longer serves me.

This I-AMulet will be tucked in a wee zip-top bag and nestled in a 3x2" white jewel box. And because I made the bail too small to accommodate the black satin cord necklace, you will receive an 18" sterling silver necklace instead.

For the next week, this I-AMulet is available for $13 with free shipping via first class mail. If this pendant speaks to you, please comment below or contact me directly as soon as possible.

If no one adopts this beauty by Saturday, September 25, it will be made available for $18 plus shipping in my Etsy shop.

Preparing to Retreat

This evening, with excitement, anticipation, and a twinge of trepidation, I begin a solo silent retreat. I will make my way to a local hermitage where I will commune with nature and myself through the weekend. A honeymoon with the me that is Me.

My 45th birthday is fast approaching. The expanse between 40 and 50 feels gigantic and sobering. Soon I will sit squarely in between them. Mother to crone. Making peace with that fact is a good thing. Celebrating it is even better.

Everything in my life these days signals the transition to a new chapter. Even those situations and relationships that forge forward have shifted (some dramatically) in terms of both challenge and the potential for fulfillment. I really need to quiet things down in my head to fully grasp what this means. I'm also longing for the kind of renewal that only silence and deep rest can bring.

If you are inclined to send prayers to light my way this weekend, it would be greatly appreciated. I promise to return in a couple of days with images and reflections from this outward journey inward. In the meantime, be peace.

The List

We all have a list of people with whom we've lost track but want to reconnect. Old friends. Classmates. Colleagues. Our situations change. We get busy. Time passes. So much time. Years. So many years that the awkwardness of making that phone call or even sending an e-mail feels insurmountable. We never reach out and yet the intention to do so some day lingers.

I just found out that friend and former co-worker passed away suddenly. I would call him a father figure, although I know that he would scoff and insist that he was more of the cool uncle type. What I know for certain is that he and his wife were very kind and generous to my husband and me when we were new parents and had bought our first house. Good-hearted people.

I don't know exactly how we lost track of each other. We started new jobs. Life took us in different directions and the friendship just couldn't keep up. It has been almost 10 years since we'd seen each other or spoken. But not a year went by when he wasn't on my list of people with whom I'd hoped to reconnect.

So, in his memory, I invite you to pull out your own list, because we all have one. Please contact someone on it, regardless of how much time has passed. Awkwardness be damned. Remember, it's never too late until it's too late.

The Post in Which I Clarify My Post

So I really can't explain why my post this morning evidently missed the mark at which I was aiming. It was supposed to be lighter than it came across. Really. At least that's how it read in my head.

First, I should have clarified what I meant by being stood up. Picture me at a restaurant or other public place ... waiting, waiting, waiting ... and the person I'm waiting for being a no-show because they have us scheduled to meet on a different day or at a different time. Sometimes they just plain forget that we have plans. I have to make the where-are-you call and it's embarrassing for us both but mostly ends in a good laugh. Disappointing? Yes. Frustrating? Sure. Tragic? No. So, please, no worries. It always ends well.

The point that I was trying to make is that when it seems like something is being done to or around me on a frequent basis, it's a cosmic nudge. Odds are that, on some level, I'm doing that thing or something like it to myself. Food for thought. That's all.

My apologies if anything was misconstrued. I'll keep my post writing to the evening after I have had my daily dose of caffeine. Thanks for your concern, dear ones.

Standing Up

People often stand me up. It's been going on for years. Others have noticed it too, so it's not just in my head. Except that it is in my head.

I could be wrong here, but it's my personal theory that that we send out energetic signals as to how we expect to be treated. And, if this theory holds true, which for me it seems to do, it's tough medicine to swallow. What we don't acknowledge grows bigger and all medicine, no matter how bitter the pill, is ultimately for our highest good.

It's cyclical for me ... being stood up, so after the most recent incident, I took the time to meditate on why I keep creating this pattern in my life. That's when it dawned on me. The times when I am stood up by others are in the days and weeks immediately following a significant situation where I've stood up myself.

Ouch. I had to sit with that revelation for awhile.

About a month ago, I had crafted a plan for myself. A program of sorts. Something that not only appeased my Virgo ascendant, but felt pretty close to perfect for where I was (and still am) in my life. I will spare you the nuts and bolts of it, but there was a unique window of opportunity to begin this plan on August 26. My husband's birthday. Exactly 42 days before my birthday. Auspicious. Ambitious, too. Every time that I checked in with myself about it, just to be sure, I felt nothing but yes-yes-yes!

All that I had to do on Day 1 was show up. But when August 26 came around, despite all of the bright red circles around it on my calendar, I never left the gate. I feigned amnesia. What plan?

So, yeah, I stood myself up. Big time. Again. And it didn't take long for those with whom I'd make plans thereafter to stand me up as well. It wasn't their fault. They couldn't help it. They can't treat me any better than I am willing to treat myself.

Lesson learned.

How Do You Like Your Beans?

(View of Downtown Cincinnati from across the Ohio River on Riverside Drive in Newport, Kentucky. Taken yesterday afternoon with my Blackberry.)

As much as I would like to show up here and put out for you on a daily basis, I am never quite sure whether I am, um, presentable for public consumption. In other words, I could fill you to brimming with mundane details about the course of most of my days. Every little this-and-that, when woven together, becomes the patchwork quilt of my life. There IS magic there, definitely, even in the beige and benign details ... but on my busiest and most disconnected days, I really have to dig deep to find it.

So I am curious, in case you are lurking and perhaps care to share, do you come to this blog and others preferring the four-course meal whenever it's available? You know, something that you can really sink your teeth into. Or would you rather have a nibble on a consistent basis?

And if you've already figured out that this was just a trick to get me to write something, you're right. But I'd still love to hear what you have to say about this topic or just about anything.

Show-and-Tell Saturday: The Giveaway Winner

Many thanks to all of you who played along! As Blogger doesn't number comments, I numbered them in the order that they were received:

1. Katieleigh
2. Lorena M
3. Martha
4. dcordova187
5. Beth H
6. Jose
7. Sandra Flear
8. Sharon
9. Jen Lee

And the winner, courtesy of Random.org is ...



Congratulations, Katieleigh! I will contact you to work out the logistics of getting these little pretties to you.

Thanks again, everyone!

Freedom

I made a specific decision this morning to do what felt best for me. And you know what? I didn't feel the least bit guilty about it.

I made a batch of green smoothies but had some ice cream in the afternoon. And you know what? I didn't feel the least bit guilty about it.

I bought myself something from my wish list despite it not being in my budget. And you know what? I didn't feel the least bit guilty about it.

I ignored the laundry. Yes, again. And you know what? I didn't feel the least bit guilty about it.

My to do list certainly isn't getting any shorter. Neither is the hair on my legs. There are calls to make and responsibility to take. I know that I will never be caught up and I know that it is equally impossible to meet everyone's needs and expectations all of the time.

But I am discovering that the older I get, the less inclined I am toward feeling guilty about any of it. I'm fine with letting things slide for another day or two or 30. I'm at peace with changing my mind. And it's becoming increasingly easier to say yes to the options that would normally leave me in a tangle of indecision.

Guilt and me, we were together for a long, long time, but I feel like it's finally safe for me to let it go.

Show-and-Tell Saturday: The Giveaway Edition

This was one of those weeks where, despite my best wishes and intentions, I just couldn't get to my workbench. Disappointed as I am about not having at least one new I-AMulet to share with you this week, I am delighted to offer the chance for you to win these beautiful blue White Heart and sterling silver bead earrings, wrapped in sterling silver wire with lots of love. The clasps are sterling silver hinge-backs. They will be sent in a white jewel box with the wee green bag in the photos. Win them, wear them, and bask in your Magic Beans sassiness!

The winner will be selected at random next Saturday morning, September 11, at 10:00 a.m. (ET) and announced here with that Show-and-Tell Saturday post. All that you need to do is comment on this post with what you are most looking forward to enjoying before the end of September. If it turns out that you have a list of things that you care to share, then spill it, sister! You may give the rest of us some great ideas for how to make the most of this summer to autumn transition.

Good luck!