Day 16,862 Gratitude

Today I am so grateful for ...

Inspiration. At this moment, in the form of maps. Just think of the possibilities for 2012!

The goodness of a new water heater. Our 80-gallon dinosaur was replaced by a short-and-sweet 50-gallon energy efficient model. (It has a digital display which delights me far more than it should.) We look forward to all of the wonderful hot showers and lower electric bills that it promises.

The fun of Endomondo. Dan found the iPhone app which I promptly installed. (Because FREE is awesome!) I have some concerns about its accuracy, but at the very least it will give me ballpark figures to work with as I await Santa's delivery of a pedometer. (I've been a very good girl this year!)

A beautiful postcard from a dear friend with an important reminder to buoy me on cold, dreary days. (Love me some snail mail!)

For all of these things and so much more, I am so very grateful!

Day 16,861 Gratitude

Today I am so grateful ...

That with (significant) encouragement, I walked outside for 50 whole minutes despite the fact that we were receiving record rainfall for this date to the tune of 2.76". Officially. It was relatively warm and gave the illusion of being a soggy, spring day ... not so much like pre-winter at all. The hardest part was having to walk in the street and dodge the UPS truck flying its way around the neighborhood, but in the long run (or walk), it was so worth it.

For reliable handy people. Dan and I know enough about household repairs to be dangerous. We are not to be trusted with tools. This is why it was in our wedding vows that we shall always call upon the experts when warranted. Our home was built in the mid 70s and needs the kind of TLC that a house of this age often requires. After ten years here, we decided to pay for a home inspection to get a handle on what needs immediate attention. We more than received our money's worth from this appointment just by how much we learned about our home. Now we are in the process of addressing issues. Replacing the elderly water heater. Having some insulation blown in. Attending to some electrical issues to bring our fuse box up to the 21st century. It feels good to attend to what needs attending and know who to call to help.

For staying the course. I am pleased and proud to have kissed goodbye seven pounds since I started using the Livestrong app. Trust me, no woman ever wants to see her pre-delivery pregnancy weight flash at her on the scale. Ever. The best part is that I haven't had to give up anything besides my unrealistic portion sizes. I just need to reconcile calories consumed and calories burned so that I am at or below my calorie goal at the end of each day. Most days I am. Some days I am not. Either way it's okay. I just make a commitment to show up again the next day. And the next. And the next.

What's making you feel grateful these days?

Day 16,859 Gratitude

I can't say that I have ever enjoyed a November more than the one that just came to a close. Even the November in which I got married had its bumps and burdens despite its blessed festivities. Granted, this particular November was warmer and brighter than most and, human solar panel that I am, I basked in it and soaked it up.

Perhaps the lightness of November also had to do with the fact that I finally started walking outside again on a regular basis. Sometimes twice per day. Or maybe something to do with the fact that I brought the month to a close by making more nourishing choices for myself overall. I really don't know. And I don't really need to know. But what I do know is that I am crossing my breath and holding my fingers that it continues ... this, um, dark time not being so darn dark.

As December settles upon us, I have been committed to increasing the calm and decreasing the crazy this Christmas. This means insisting upon a slow and steady pace to doing what needs to be done and applying the art of reduction/simplification wherever possible. Of course that's easy for me to say only three days into the month and three weeks away from the holiday, but here is where I stand with it all at this juncture.

Christmas looks and feels different to me now with a nearly full grown child. I am assessing traditions ... which precious ones to keep and which ones have been outgrown. I want there to always be room for something new, something that better suits who we have become as a family and individuals within it. How many times must we do the same things, year after year, only because we've always done them? Even when they no longer bring us joy? I am disocvering that where I find stress is usually the exact same place I discover something that needs to be eliminated or transformed. It's all food for thought.

With that said, our tree is up and I have been appreciating this annual visit with our ornaments and the memories that they hold. Residents of our neighborhood have been taking full advantage of the nice weather to deck their homes and yards. And barred owls have been serenading me on recent sunset walks past a wee greenspace that holds many animal medicine messages for me. For all of these things and so much more, I am so grateful.

Day 16,853 Gratitude

And so this long weekend of thankfulness comes to a wet and sleepy close. There was plenty of time with family and friends, but also ample time for quiet contemplation and much needed rest.

For the last week, Dan and I have been using Livestrong.com to help us safely navigate our way through the start of this holiday eat-and-potato season. Their iPhone App has been an unbelievably helpful tool. See, I never worked off the weight that I gained last winter and then I added more since. Considering my family history of high blood pressure and high cholesterol, I would much rather make lifestyle changes than take medication for a lifetime. So here I am now, reading labels and being sobered by what one serving really looks like. All for the best, though ... all for the best.

I am eagerly awaiting my shipment of copper wire so that I can get back to wrapping. Things the last few months have not gone as planned, but that in no way implies that they've gone wrong. I have a feeling that it will all be well worth the weight wait.

Day 16,841 Gratitude

Yesterday, as I was backing out of the driveway, this clematis bloom caught my eye. The mother plant resides at the northwest corner of our backyard. Every passing dog pisses upon it and yet every May it blooms profusely without fail. Well, um, it's not May right now and by all appearances the mother plant is dormant ... except for this bloom and the tendril that spawned it.

I hadn't sketched anything in my sketchbook journal in almost six weeks. Sure, I've written in it. A lot. And I've adhered to and embedded in it the precious bits and symbolic pieces that make up the current puzzle of my life. But a sketchbook journal needs sketches, so I decided to force try my hand at capturing this bloom.

What I am learning, every time that I put pen and brush to paper, is that what I try to capture will show me how to capture it ... and through that how will be revealed the why. The same can be said for photography, I suppose, but that's a much faster and more superficial flirtation. When I sketch something, I have to be willing to sit with it, study it and invest the time it takes to get to know it first, before it allows me to really see it and its essence. Once revealed, there is always a message for me there.

Today is my Chelsea-versary. Six years since her passing. For 18 years, she was my friend and familiar. I still wake up at night with space for her above my head. It gives me some comfort to know that Fred is with her now and yet their absence gives me paws, um, I mean pause.

For November, its gravitation pull inward, its anniversaries and essences ... I am so deeply grateful.

Day 16,829 Gratitude

Yesterday, before sunset, my husband and I took a walk around Withrow Nature Preserve which is just a few miles from our house. The trail around and through this little pocket of wooded and meadowed goodness takes about 45 minutes to navigate. I emerged from it with a full heart that had felt shrivelly small upon entry. It is becoming clearer and clearer to me that walks outside this winter is the code cracker. They will be the key to keeping myself centered. I won't always want to do it and the weather will provide ample excuses to avoid it, but the better I am at rising to occasions to get outside and do so, the better off that I will be emotionally in the long run.

Other things for which I am feeling grateful today ...

Fridays on Thursdays and the goodness that is a three-day weekend.
The welcome return of oatmeal and raisins for breakfast.
Blank canvases and second chances -- not always two different things.

Day 16,828 Gratitude

And so it begins ...

Dark time. The stretch from November through February is tricky terrain for me in terms of emotional stability. Ever-lurking is the seasonal tsunami of sadness awaiting the opportunity to sweep me out to a tear-filled sea. Okay, maybe not quite that dramatic, but each year I do wonder, in all seriousness, if it behooves me to get professional support for my SAD. Asking for help when needed is one of the kindest things that we can do for ourselves but, mind you, one the hardest things to do as well ... especially if you are an "I-can-do-it-myself" kinda girl, like me.

I bought this lightbox back in 2006 and it has made a huge difference in my winter well-being. I use it every morning from Autumn Equinox to Spring Equinox for at least 30 minutes. When the heaviness I feel can't be correlated to anything relevant or the blues come on so fast, so thick, that it nearly knocks me off of my feet and straight into bed, despite sunshine and blue skies, it's my queue to go to twice per day sessions.

I felt this shift on Monday without the slightest fair warning. I have scrambled to get my plan in place. The appropriate adjustments have been made to my vitamin regimen. I have to make a point of getting at least one walk outside every single day. With heavy emphasis on outside. But treadmill at time at the gym can still be worth its weight in mood-enhancement gold when the weather is inclement. I will soon stock my freezer with single portions of homemade soups and do my best to keep green smoothies in my daily plan. Genuine nourishment, in all forms, is so important right now. And it is imperative that I keep my carb consumption in check during this time, as it only feeds the problem. I'm looking right at you refined sugar ... with your pumpkin pies and your Christmas cookies!

I do my best to always have plans to look forward to during this time. Lunches with friends and artist dates really do keep my wheels on the wagon at this time of year, when I am prone to staying cooped up at home and circling the bed with longing for yet another hibernatory nap. This year I am making a priority of regular body work, so every other week through February, I will be receiving a one-hour massage or a one-hour reflexology treatment. It's definitely an investment, but this level of self-care is an immune system booster that may be priceless in the long run.

I know that this winter and how well I weather it has a lot (if not everything) to do with the stories that I tell myself about it, but I also understand that these feelings are very real. Self-soothing techniques and distractions can go a long way toward helping, as can offering myself the same care, kindness and compassion that I would to a loved one. But I share all of this to remind myself (and YOU) that there is abundant help and support available in a variety of forms and none of us ever has to go it alone.

And for this I am so grateful.