We arrived home from vacation Saturday night and I have a feeling it will take a few more days before I finally stop grieving. Funny, considering it took me about 4-5 days to finally pry my shoulders from my ears and let myself relax. When I was setting goals and launching dreams at the start of this year, I had absolutely no idea that I would find myself in such a tangled mess halfway through it. Uncertainty and me, you think we'd have our shit together by now. If we can't be friends, then can't we at least make peace? A temporary truce, perhaps?
Time away did make me feel better, but then it made me feel worse. It's like when you've been outside in triple-digit heat and then, with much anticipation, re-enter your air-conditioned home. Such a welcome relief. Yet you know that sooner or later you will have to suck it up and thrust yourself out into the oven again. Having had a break brings temporary relief, yes, but it doesn't necessarily make things any easier in the long run. For me, it typically triggers considerable flailing.
Vacations are vacations because they're, well, vacations. If we were on vacation every single day, then it wouldn't be a vacation. Or would it? I know that I'm not alone in visiting blogs wherein their keepers do an impressive job of conveying the impression that every single day can be lived like a vacation day. And maybe you, like me, pine to know their secret and maybe even try on their shoes if we can't walk in them. Just for a little while. Just to get a wee whiff of what that gift might be like before giving up and going back to the day-to-dayness of our reality.
Yes, just like what we read in magazines and see on TV, we can't know if what we read online is true. I am 100% certain that these portrayals, inspiring though they may be, can't possibly be 100% accurate. We're all capable of painting a much prettier and more palatable picture of ourselves and our circumstances when the image is intended for public consumption. But just imagine if it's true, mostly true, that it is possible ... that it has been done, to a greater degree than lesser.
I don't see any harm at all in believing in the possibility that there are those who have cracked the code. In fact, it is this very belief that keeps me afloat this first week post-vacation. I am entertaining whether the secret to it is more of a state of mind rather than a state of affairs. I am marinating in and buoyed by this idea.
For the time being, just knowing that, surely, others have figured it out ... how to make their lives one ever-extended vacation. It gives me hope that the way has been paved and strung with lights to guide the way. Let's see where it leads.