Monday, June 4, 2012

Day 17,043: Between Now and Then

I was surprised to discover that it has been ten days since my last post.  I could swear that I had checked in here, albeit briefly, between now and then.  Obviously, I was checked out instead.

For those who haven't been through it, the feelings around this rite of passage are difficult to explain.  It's felt a lot like coming home from the hospital with the wee bundle of her in my arms.  The similarities have surprised me.  The life I knew up until the week before last is over and a new one has begun.  I am no longer the parent of a school-aged child.  I am feeling fumbly and uncertain, yet deeply in love and awe each time I look at my graduate.  Feeling so blessed for the good fortune of being her mama.  Feeling so inept at recognizing the signs of what she needs from me in the face of all the changes as she prepares to fly from our nest.  Leaning on girlfriends who've been through it ... doulas in their own way.

This fresh chapter will change, yet again, when we deliver her to college in a few fleeting weeks.  Between now and then, there is travel to take and art to make (as there will be, perhaps exponentially, thereafter).  But for now, I'm circling the wagons to protect our family time and give us a safe space to figure out these new terms.  I'm also assessing where and how I can do better with regard to self care.  In many ways, in my recent busy-ness, I've let my well go bone dry.  Despite the beautiful weather, walks outside have been few and far between.  Nourishment has been replaced by the fastest fix.  (Instant coffee anyone?  A donut with that, perhaps?  Maybe two?  Oh the shame.)  Art of any kind has been more miss than hit.  Thankfully, I know these things (among others) keep my boat afloat and I have the good sense to eventually come back around to them.

This is the week for such.  And for that (and all of the above), I am so very grateful.

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