Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Day 16,366: Halfway Off the Wagon or Am I Halfway On?

This one in the basket on top of the clean laundry ... so adorable, yet so naughty. Comfort and nourishment are Garrett's highest priorites. I have a lot to learn from him.

These are very interesting times. Remember the shifting staircases at Harry Potter's Hogwarts School? Perfect metaphor for my life right now. The staircase that I choose leads in one direction, until it shifts suddenly and veers off in another ... usually with me clinging desperately to the rail. Going with the flow is non-negotiable.

Raw was going very well for me until my face-plant last night.

Note to Self:
You cannot eat exclusively fruits and vegetables for five days and then assume it will be okay to have a glass of red wine while sitting in the hot sun.

We went to a community party with a band and food booths. I was so proud of myself for the work that went into bringing along my own food. I saw no harm in one small glass of wine to have with it. Oh, yes, there was harm. Trust me on that. I made it halfway through the glass and my sunflower seed pate when the nausea hit. Hard. We came straight home where I guzzled cold water, ate some club crackers, and basked in the air conditioning. Lesson learned.

The hard part is that I don't know where to go from here. Maybe it is time for me to break this fast. There are so many things that I am not ready to give up yet, if ever. I wanted to feel empowered bringing my own eats to last night's event, but instead I felt awkward and deprived. The social aspect of eating what everyone else is eating is an immensely powerful thing. I just don't think I'm ready to go all the way with this lifestyle, not yet, not indefinitely. I think it is something that must be eased into ... not forced. Hmm, where else in my life can this theory be applied?

I have been back and forth and all around with the raw lifestyle over the last five years. There is none in which I feel better. It clears away the static, the inflammation, and puts me on a much more even keel. The rewards really do outweigh the sacrifices, when I am really ready to make them. But those attachments to certain foods can run extremely deep and pleasure is pleasure is pleasure. I know that you know what I mean. But whenever I'm ready to get clean again and hold myself accountable for the quality of what I consume, raw never ever fails me to whatever degree that I decide to take it.

All that I want this morning is grapefruit juice, so I guess I haven't fallen completely off of the wagon. I'm wishing that I had some chilled watermelon and cherries. I will take things one step at a time and see where the staircase takes me today.


amelia said...

I love the staircase metaphor, and I can relate to it- I am trying to take life a day at a time, keeping my head out of yesterday and from leaping ahead into tomorrow- why is this so difficult!! I say go with the flow that you feel drawn to- let it be what it is, since this is you and your preferences, you can't go wrong!

Jakk said...

Thanks, Amelia ... you are a wise woman. Life keeps reminding us that we can only take things one step at a time.